


Secret

by AnnaOnTheMoon



Series: Flufftober 2019 [16]
Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: F/M, Flufftober, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2019-10-16
Packaged: 2020-12-17 11:51:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21053945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnaOnTheMoon/pseuds/AnnaOnTheMoon
Summary: Jean-Luc Picard has kept his secret for years and he never intends on revealing it.(Beverly is not in this fic, only mentioned.  Same for Jack.)





	Secret

**Author's Note:**

> Normal warnings for mentioning Jack Crusher's death apply.

Jean-Luc smiled at his best friend as he listened to him go on about his girlfriend. She sounded like she was something special, and Jean-Luc could tell how much he missed her so he made the suggestion that she should join them on the _Stargazer_ for her placement assignment. Jack had grinned and Walker rolled his eyes, but arrangements were made for fourth year medical cadet Beverly Howard to join them.

He liked Beverly. She was refreshing, and wasn’t afraid to challenge him just like Walker and Jack. Most of the other crew seemed to skirt away from him, either they were intimidated by the fact that he was the captain or the fact that he was a young captain – he wasn’t entirely sure. But Beverly hadn’t cared about his position or status and they had spent many evenings in spirited debate usually over the Prime Directive and medical care. Little by little, Jean-Luc found himself growing fond of Beverly.

When Jack told him he was going to propose, Jean-Luc felt his heart fall. Deep down, he had always known that he would never have a chance with Beverly, even if she and Jack had broken up, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t disappointed. But he plastered a smile on his face and stood up next to Jack as Best Man. When Beverly asked him if he would dance with her at the reception, he thought he would melt. Holding her in his arms had felt wonderful, but a tiny piece of his heart broke when Beverly kissed his cheek and returned to the arms of her groom.

Nine months later, Jack was placing his young son into Jean-Luc’s arms and telling the baby about his Uncle Johnny. Jean-Luc had cringed at the name, but then realised the child probably wouldn’t be able to say his name for many years anyway. Jean-Luc congratulated Jack and Beverly and Wesley soon had him wrapped around his finger. As Wesley grew, Jean-Luc could be found giving piggy back rides and playing horsey, much to Jack’s amusement considering his friend’s previous line about not liking children. Jean-Luc would argue that Wesley was different than the other children he had interacted with, and Jack would just beam with pride, pleased it was his son who had broken though the Captain’s hard exterior. Jean-Luc enjoyed time with the young boy, but he enjoyed getting to see his mother even more. 

Tragedy struck the small family. Jean-Luc and Walker had flanked Beverly during the funeral service for her husband with hands on her back. Wesley, far too young to completely understand the situation had started clutching his uncle’s hand, and then soon became ensconced in his arms. Jack’s death had been unexpected, and Jean-Luc was still trying to process the loss of his best friend. The mission should have been easy and peaceful, but it had turned violent. Jack had been doing his job protecting Jean-Luc, and his death left Jean-Luc feeling nothing but guilt. 

He distanced himself from Beverly and Wesley. Not because he didn’t want to see them, but because he was afraid of his own feelings for Beverly and what he might do without Jack there as a buffer. Beverly surely _didn’t_ want his advancements, and he didn’t know if he’d be able to keep himself from reaching out for her. It was different when they would joke and tease each other while Jack was alive because Jean-Luc always knew Beverly wasn’t serious. But without Jack...Jean-Luc just didn’t trust himself. They exchanged a few letters – mostly Beverly keeping him up to date on Wesley. Wesley was a prodigy of sorts, and Jean-Luc couldn’t help but feel pride for his honorary nephew even though he kept wishing his friend was still alive to see his son’s accomplishments. After the _Stargazer_ was destroyed, he fell out of contact with most of his friends when he took a sabbatical from Starfleet, only receiving a standard Christmas greeting from his old friend and her son. 

Jean-Luc eyed his list of officer candidates to fill the _Enterprise D_. It was the flagship, and he wanted to have the best of the best. His mind strayed to Beverly and wondered what she was doing. He wished Jack was still around to become his first officer. Walker was off on his own ship now, though the two probably would have fought over who got Jack. Jean-Luc settled on a young Lieutenant Commander named William Riker, and put in for a promotion for the man. He carefully filled all the positions on his ship other than the Chief Medical Officer, not willing to look at the list. He knew who he wanted, but he didn’t think she would want him. _The assignment_, he corrected himself.

After much badgering from Command to pick a CMO, he finally pulled out the PADD from Starfleet Medical towards him and looked at their recommendation, deciding he would just accept whoever they wanted to assign to him. While he had complete discretion in picking his crew, he always had the option of just ticking the box next to their suggestion. He took a deep breath and opened the eyes he didn’t know he had closed as he looked at the list of candidates. At the top, listed next to a list of her accolades and commendations, was none other than Doctor Beverly Crusher, Commander. His heart soared. He immediately pressed the accept button and sat back with a grin on his face. He would never tell her how he felt about her, but at least he would see her daily.


End file.
